I live about 15 minutes from my parents, and to my surprise, while they love my children with a total and adoring love and talk endlessly about how cute, smart and well-behaved they are, they don't really want to "baby-sit" them on a regular basis. No fault to them. They have lives (which is great) and they are really busy. My mom takes care of my amazing Grandpa (who can no longer really walk, talk, etc) and my dad has a pretty stressful job, not to mention he walks around with this huge broken heart. My oldest (younger) brother struggles with some pretty significnt substance abuse issues and it just kills my dad. It hurts everyone, but especially my dad. Ughhh. I really wish I could "fix" people. I mean change their hearts, not spaying or neutering, although sometimes I wish I could do that too :)
While my parents will try to rearrange their schedules and sacrifice time together to help me when I need it, I've learned to only ask when I really need help. I see that their plates are full and I don't want them to ever view being with my kids as work. When they are with my kids, they give them their full attention. They get down on the floor, they play silly games over and over, they feed them ice cream, read books, etc. They are exceptional grandparents and they really love the boys. Every time I am getting Levi dressed, he talks in this cute little voice and says, "Grammy got this for you..." Which, about 99 percent of the time is true.
Given this situation with my busy parents, coupled with my desire to have a little regularly-scheduled kid-free time in my life, I've gotten creative. Every week or two, my friend Josephine and I trade kids for dates. Her husband is a doctor who is in his first year of residency, and they don't have any family in town, so they need time together too. It's a super even trade, because they have two girls who are almost exactly the same ages as our boys. Our dates are usually 3-4 hours long and the days and times are different each week. She'll call and say, when do you want to do dates this week? Sometimes, they'll go out for a Friday night and we'll go out for a Saturday morning date. We've had some great dates.
Now we are upping the ante a bit and are going to try a mom's day out. Three mommas with two kids each are switching off every Thursday starting with me this Thursday. So, I will have four additional little ones at my house for four hours, and then the next two weeks, each of those momma friends will be watching my boys for 4 hours. I think it'll work well for the summer. What will I do with four uninterrupted hours, I really don't know. But, it will be wonderful.
I don't feel bad at all for not wanting to spend every waking second with my children. Believe me, we spend a lot of time together :) I find that when I take care of myself, I am in a better position to give them more love, more patience, and more of all of the things i want to give them. I think I need a pedicure :)
Love,
Kate
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Fine Wine Thursdays (D-group)
A few weeks ago I started meeting once a week with two friends at 8 or 8:30 at night...after we put the kids down, so we don't feel too bad for leaving our husbands all alone. It's something that my church encourages, and that I've wanted to do, but I just didn't know how to get started. Sometimes we go out for coffee and sometimes we go out for wine. Tonight my friend asked me which I preferred, and I acted as though I was indifferent and then immediately said "wine!" So, instead of going to a restaurant, we went to her house and sat in her driveway while her husband brought us out glasses of wine (one each) and dark chocolates. Yeah, life is rough.
The reason I am posting this though, is to say that being a momma can be such an odd combination of loneliness and busyness that it is difficult at times to find yourself in the mix, let alone gauge any kind of personal growth. It is slightly more than a mom's night out, and I think that is why it is so meaningful to me. We go through a list of questions to help us open up about our weeks. Usually we just talk about the things that matter to us most, and then hit the list to make sure we covered everything. And we don't always pray. We should do that.
It must be said that I was encouraged to do this with people that were not already my best friends. Do this for a few weeks, and you'll become good friends, though. There is a truer sense of accountability with people that don't already fully know your strengths and weaknesses. It's a little harder to keep making the same mistakes week after week with people you still care (mildy) about impressing :) I just tried to pick people I didn't know super well, but thought were mature and felt "safe" with. I just ended a sentence with a preposition...again. I'm getting so lazy about that. There I go again. My composition instructors would be so disappointed.
That reminds me of a funny Easter card my mom told me she saw at Target. One lady says, "Where is the Easter egg at?" Then the other lady says, "You shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition." Then the first lady rephrases with, "Where is the Easter egg at, bitch?" Okay, I've gotten off the subject a bit.
Well, here is more information about the discipleship group and questions, if you might like to try something like this at home. In ways, it seems a little silly, but honestly I've spent way to much of my life not wanting to just "check things off a list." Sometimes a little discipline is in order. Discipline. Disciple. Hmmm...I'm guessing the same root word. Anyway, here it is:
Discipleship Group (By the way, I didn't pen this. I found it somewhere on the internet.)
Small discipleship groups of 2-3 people are a simple way of carrying out the ministry of Jesus. These groups can be a great help in the process of discipling one another to be more like Him and to be more fruitful in our service to Him. The questions below are designed to help us focus on the central themes of the Lord's teaching. When done in the power and grace of the Holy Spirit and from a heart that is hungry for Jesus, a weekly rhythm of Bible reading, accountability, confession of sin, and praying for the lost will help us to glorify God in our daily lives in a greater way.
Core Values
1 Love God
A) Did I do my Bible reading?
B) What is God speaking to me in His Word and through other means?
C) Have I intentionally received God's love through prayer?
D) Am I intentionally focusing on Jesus throughout the day?
2 Love One Another
A) Am I fulfilling my ministry to my family?
B) Am I building community in love or tearing down with words and attitudes?
C) Am I struggling with any relationship?
3 Love the World
A) Am I daily praying by name for 1-3 people who are not walking with Jesus?
B) Have I had the opportunities to develop relationship and/or share the Gospel with them?
Other Life Issues
Are there other issues in your life that you need to discuss with the group in order to help your daily walk? What temptations have you experienced this week?
Prayer
Pray by name for those who are not walking with Jesus.
That's it. Goodnight!
Love,
Kate
The reason I am posting this though, is to say that being a momma can be such an odd combination of loneliness and busyness that it is difficult at times to find yourself in the mix, let alone gauge any kind of personal growth. It is slightly more than a mom's night out, and I think that is why it is so meaningful to me. We go through a list of questions to help us open up about our weeks. Usually we just talk about the things that matter to us most, and then hit the list to make sure we covered everything. And we don't always pray. We should do that.
It must be said that I was encouraged to do this with people that were not already my best friends. Do this for a few weeks, and you'll become good friends, though. There is a truer sense of accountability with people that don't already fully know your strengths and weaknesses. It's a little harder to keep making the same mistakes week after week with people you still care (mildy) about impressing :) I just tried to pick people I didn't know super well, but thought were mature and felt "safe" with. I just ended a sentence with a preposition...again. I'm getting so lazy about that. There I go again. My composition instructors would be so disappointed.
That reminds me of a funny Easter card my mom told me she saw at Target. One lady says, "Where is the Easter egg at?" Then the other lady says, "You shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition." Then the first lady rephrases with, "Where is the Easter egg at, bitch?" Okay, I've gotten off the subject a bit.
Well, here is more information about the discipleship group and questions, if you might like to try something like this at home. In ways, it seems a little silly, but honestly I've spent way to much of my life not wanting to just "check things off a list." Sometimes a little discipline is in order. Discipline. Disciple. Hmmm...I'm guessing the same root word. Anyway, here it is:
Discipleship Group (By the way, I didn't pen this. I found it somewhere on the internet.)
Small discipleship groups of 2-3 people are a simple way of carrying out the ministry of Jesus. These groups can be a great help in the process of discipling one another to be more like Him and to be more fruitful in our service to Him. The questions below are designed to help us focus on the central themes of the Lord's teaching. When done in the power and grace of the Holy Spirit and from a heart that is hungry for Jesus, a weekly rhythm of Bible reading, accountability, confession of sin, and praying for the lost will help us to glorify God in our daily lives in a greater way.
Core Values
1 Love God
A) Did I do my Bible reading?
B) What is God speaking to me in His Word and through other means?
C) Have I intentionally received God's love through prayer?
D) Am I intentionally focusing on Jesus throughout the day?
2 Love One Another
A) Am I fulfilling my ministry to my family?
B) Am I building community in love or tearing down with words and attitudes?
C) Am I struggling with any relationship?
3 Love the World
A) Am I daily praying by name for 1-3 people who are not walking with Jesus?
B) Have I had the opportunities to develop relationship and/or share the Gospel with them?
Other Life Issues
Are there other issues in your life that you need to discuss with the group in order to help your daily walk? What temptations have you experienced this week?
Prayer
Pray by name for those who are not walking with Jesus.
That's it. Goodnight!
Love,
Kate
Friday, February 12, 2010
The Discipline of Confession
In my "life group" at church we are studying various chapters in Richard J. Foster's The Celebration of Discipline. Here are the words in the chapter on confession that stand out to me:
Why We Find it so Difficult to Confess our Sins:
Confession is a difficult Discipline for us because we all too often view the believing community as a fellowship of saints before we see it as a fellowship of sinners. We feel that everyone else has advanced so far into holiness that we are isolated and alone in our sin. We cannot bear to reveal our failures and shortcomings to others. We imagine that we are the only ones who have not stepped on the high road to heaven. Therefore, we hide ourselves from one another and live in veiled lies and hypocrisy.
But, if we know that the people of God are first a fellowship of sinners, we are freed to hear the unconditional call of God's love and to confess our needs openly before our brothers and sisters. We know that we are not alone in our sin. The fear and pride that cling to us like barnacles cling to others also. We are sinners together. In acts of mutual confession we release the power that heals. Our humanity is no longer denied, but transformed.
Why We are not Surprised by the Sins of Others:
Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes, "Anybody who has once been horrified by the dreadfulness of his own sin that nailed Jesus to the Cross will no longer be horrified by even the rankest sins of a brother." This is the one thing that will save us from ever being offended in the confession of another. It forever delivers us from conveying any attitude of superiority. We know the deceptiveness of the human heart, and we know the grace and mercy of God's acceptance. Once we see the awfulness of sin we know that, regardless of what others have done, we ourselves are the chief of sinners.
Therefore, there is nothing that anyone can say that will disturb us. Nothing. By living under the cross we can hear the worst possible things from the best people without so much as batting an eyelash. If we live in that reality, we will convey that spirit to others. They know it is safe to come to us. They know we can receive anything they could possibly reveal. They know we will never condescend to them but, instead, understand.
Three Elements of a Good Confession
St. Alphonsus Liguori writes, "For a good confession three things are necessary: an examination of conscience, sorrow, and a determination to avoid sin."
1) An Examination of Conscience
This is a time, as Douglass Steere writes, "where a soul comes under the gaze of God and where in His silent and loving Presence this soul is pierced to the quick and becomes conscious of the things that must be forgiven and put right before it can continue to love the One whose care has been so constant." We are inviting God to move upon the heart and show us areas that need his forgiving and healing touch.
In this experience of opening ourselves to the "gaze of God" we must be prepared to deal with definite sins. A generalized confession may save us from humiliation and shame, but it will not ignite inner healing. The people who came to Jesus came with obvious, specific sins, and they were forgiven for each one.
2) Sorrow
Sorrow as it relates to confession is not primarily an emotion, though emotion may be involved. It is an abhorrence at having committed the sin, a deep regret at having offended the heart of the Father. Sorrow is an issue of the will before it is an issue of the emotions. In fact, being sorrowful in the emotions without a godly sorrow in the will destroys the confession.
3) A Determination to Avoid Sin
In the Discipline of confession we ask God to give us a yearning for holy living, a hatred for unholy living. It is the will to be delivered from our sin that we seek from God as we prepare to make our confession. We must desire to be conquered and ruled by God, or if we do not desire it, to desire to desire it.
When Someone is Confessing their Sins to us:
It is important that when others are opening their griefs to us we discipline ourselves to be quiet. We will be tempted severely to relieve the tension of the situation by some offhanded comment. This is very distracting and even destructive to the sacredness of the moment. Neither should we try to pry out more details than are necessary. If we feel that out of embarrassment or fear they are holding something back, the best method is to wait silently and prayerfully.
It is extremely important that you pray for the person and not just counsel with them. Before or during the prayer, we should announce to them that the forgiveness that is in Jesus Christ in now real and effective for them. We can say this in words and tones of genuine authority for we have all of heaven behind the absolution (John 20:22, 23).
In Conclusion
Remember the heart of the Father; he is like a shepherd who will risk anything to find that one lost sheep. We do not have to make God willing to forgive. In fact, it is God who is working to make us willing to seek his forgiveness.
The Discipline of confession brings an end to pretense. God is calling into being a Church that can openly confess its frail humanity and know the forgiving and empowering graces of Christ. Honesty leads to confession, and confession leads to change. May God give grace to the Church once again to recover the Discipline of confession.
I hope this blessed you today. Thank you for reading :)
Why We Find it so Difficult to Confess our Sins:
Confession is a difficult Discipline for us because we all too often view the believing community as a fellowship of saints before we see it as a fellowship of sinners. We feel that everyone else has advanced so far into holiness that we are isolated and alone in our sin. We cannot bear to reveal our failures and shortcomings to others. We imagine that we are the only ones who have not stepped on the high road to heaven. Therefore, we hide ourselves from one another and live in veiled lies and hypocrisy.
But, if we know that the people of God are first a fellowship of sinners, we are freed to hear the unconditional call of God's love and to confess our needs openly before our brothers and sisters. We know that we are not alone in our sin. The fear and pride that cling to us like barnacles cling to others also. We are sinners together. In acts of mutual confession we release the power that heals. Our humanity is no longer denied, but transformed.
Why We are not Surprised by the Sins of Others:
Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes, "Anybody who has once been horrified by the dreadfulness of his own sin that nailed Jesus to the Cross will no longer be horrified by even the rankest sins of a brother." This is the one thing that will save us from ever being offended in the confession of another. It forever delivers us from conveying any attitude of superiority. We know the deceptiveness of the human heart, and we know the grace and mercy of God's acceptance. Once we see the awfulness of sin we know that, regardless of what others have done, we ourselves are the chief of sinners.
Therefore, there is nothing that anyone can say that will disturb us. Nothing. By living under the cross we can hear the worst possible things from the best people without so much as batting an eyelash. If we live in that reality, we will convey that spirit to others. They know it is safe to come to us. They know we can receive anything they could possibly reveal. They know we will never condescend to them but, instead, understand.
Three Elements of a Good Confession
St. Alphonsus Liguori writes, "For a good confession three things are necessary: an examination of conscience, sorrow, and a determination to avoid sin."
1) An Examination of Conscience
This is a time, as Douglass Steere writes, "where a soul comes under the gaze of God and where in His silent and loving Presence this soul is pierced to the quick and becomes conscious of the things that must be forgiven and put right before it can continue to love the One whose care has been so constant." We are inviting God to move upon the heart and show us areas that need his forgiving and healing touch.
In this experience of opening ourselves to the "gaze of God" we must be prepared to deal with definite sins. A generalized confession may save us from humiliation and shame, but it will not ignite inner healing. The people who came to Jesus came with obvious, specific sins, and they were forgiven for each one.
2) Sorrow
Sorrow as it relates to confession is not primarily an emotion, though emotion may be involved. It is an abhorrence at having committed the sin, a deep regret at having offended the heart of the Father. Sorrow is an issue of the will before it is an issue of the emotions. In fact, being sorrowful in the emotions without a godly sorrow in the will destroys the confession.
3) A Determination to Avoid Sin
In the Discipline of confession we ask God to give us a yearning for holy living, a hatred for unholy living. It is the will to be delivered from our sin that we seek from God as we prepare to make our confession. We must desire to be conquered and ruled by God, or if we do not desire it, to desire to desire it.
When Someone is Confessing their Sins to us:
It is important that when others are opening their griefs to us we discipline ourselves to be quiet. We will be tempted severely to relieve the tension of the situation by some offhanded comment. This is very distracting and even destructive to the sacredness of the moment. Neither should we try to pry out more details than are necessary. If we feel that out of embarrassment or fear they are holding something back, the best method is to wait silently and prayerfully.
It is extremely important that you pray for the person and not just counsel with them. Before or during the prayer, we should announce to them that the forgiveness that is in Jesus Christ in now real and effective for them. We can say this in words and tones of genuine authority for we have all of heaven behind the absolution (John 20:22, 23).
In Conclusion
Remember the heart of the Father; he is like a shepherd who will risk anything to find that one lost sheep. We do not have to make God willing to forgive. In fact, it is God who is working to make us willing to seek his forgiveness.
The Discipline of confession brings an end to pretense. God is calling into being a Church that can openly confess its frail humanity and know the forgiving and empowering graces of Christ. Honesty leads to confession, and confession leads to change. May God give grace to the Church once again to recover the Discipline of confession.
I hope this blessed you today. Thank you for reading :)
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Jesse Tree
This is our first year to make a Jesse Tree part of our family's advent season. It has been a really fun way to be constantly reminded of what Christmas is all about. A Jesse Tree traces various prophesies and stories from the old-testament and then ties them to the birth of Jesus. I love how it makes each day special and how it helps to make Christmas a month-long celebration. We light candles at dinnertime and read a small passage from the Bible, and let Levi hang an ornament on the tree. (He gets so excited about hanging the ornament!) I had never heard of doing this before, but got inspired one evening by a book on Amazon, and got to crafting with my friend Sarah the next day. We spent several afternoons hand-sewing felt while our kids were napping. And now we have a great new tradition to show for it. Will post pics soon.
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