Helicopter mom

I was thinking today, that for someone who loves to read, I sure haven't been reading a lot lately. Perhaps this is the plight of mothers of young children everywhere, I don't know. All I know is that by the end of the day, even the thought of a book makes me sleepy. I do enjoy reading out loud with my husband in the evenings sometimes, I suppose. We might finish 3 books a year together that way. We move like snails, as there always seems to be something more pressing to do with our time. It is easy to lose momentum if we skip too many days as well.

I forget sometimes that is is okay to sit in a chair outside and read and that it is good for my kids to run off and entertain themselves for a while. It is more natural to me to be supervising each activity with hummingbird-like intensity and to make sure that everybody is playing nice and not eating dirt, than it is for me to sit back and glance up occasionally.

I really don't want to be a helicopter mom. I dream of someday owning a little land and letting the boys run around for hours on their own. Parenting has changed a ton in recent decades and it's no wonder that we're all a bit tired. I know I appreciated the freedom I had as a child. I have to remind myself that kids are really "adults in training" and that my babies need a little more independence in order to explore the world from their vantage points (without parental narration.) Today I remembered the joy of sitting and reading a good book (Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver) while the kids were playing outside. If the weather is tolerable tomorrow, I'll try to do that again. Maybe I can make a habit out of this, who knows? :)

Love,

Kate

Clothing optional

Today was great. Six kiddos that i adore...one 3 year old, 3 two year olds, and 2 one year olds. We splashed, ran, played, fed chickens, sang, danced, ate, watched a video and read books. And my reward...I get a four hour stretch without my little ones for the next two Thursdays. Brilliant. Off for a little "me" time...



Love,
Kate

Trading Babies

I live about 15 minutes from my parents, and to my surprise, while they love my children with a total and adoring love and talk endlessly about how cute, smart and well-behaved they are, they don't really want to "baby-sit" them on a regular basis. No fault to them. They have lives (which is great) and they are really busy. My mom takes care of my amazing Grandpa (who can no longer really walk, talk, etc) and my dad has a pretty stressful job, not to mention he walks around with this huge broken heart. My oldest (younger) brother struggles with some pretty significnt substance abuse issues and it just kills my dad. It hurts everyone, but especially my dad. Ughhh. I really wish I could "fix" people. I mean change their hearts, not spaying or neutering, although sometimes I wish I could do that too :)

While my parents will try to rearrange their schedules and sacrifice time together to help me when I need it, I've learned to only ask when I really need help. I see that their plates are full and I don't want them to ever view being with my kids as work. When they are with my kids, they give them their full attention. They get down on the floor, they play silly games over and over, they feed them ice cream, read books, etc. They are exceptional grandparents and they really love the boys. Every time I am getting Levi dressed, he talks in this cute little voice and says, "Grammy got this for you..." Which, about 99 percent of the time is true.

Given this situation with my busy parents, coupled with my desire to have a little regularly-scheduled kid-free time in my life, I've gotten creative. Every week or two, my friend Josephine and I trade kids for dates. Her husband is a doctor who is in his first year of residency, and they don't have any family in town, so they need time together too. It's a super even trade, because they have two girls who are almost exactly the same ages as our boys. Our dates are usually 3-4 hours long and the days and times are different each week. She'll call and say, when do you want to do dates this week? Sometimes, they'll go out for a Friday night and we'll go out for a Saturday morning date. We've had some great dates.

Now we are upping the ante a bit and are going to try a mom's day out. Three mommas with two kids each are switching off every Thursday starting with me this Thursday. So, I will have four additional little ones at my house for four hours, and then the next two weeks, each of those momma friends will be watching my boys for 4 hours. I think it'll work well for the summer. What will I do with four uninterrupted hours, I really don't know. But, it will be wonderful.

I don't feel bad at all for not wanting to spend every waking second with my children. Believe me, we spend a lot of time together :) I find that when I take care of myself, I am in a better position to give them more love, more patience, and more of all of the things i want to give them. I think I need a pedicure :)

Love,
Kate

Code Brown

We had a fun morning. We went to the hardware store and to the library, and then came home to have some lunch. After eating, the boys were playing quietly in their room, and I decided to use the opportunity to get online and reserve some of the boys' favorite books from the library. Anyway, I am doing my "good mom" deed of the day and I hear Levi say something about "poo poo." And then something about cleaning. I go in his room and he is "cleaning" poop off of his toddler bed (with toilet paper!) and asks me to start working on the air conditioner grate. At this point I don't say much, I just try to focus on not vomiting and on being efficient.

And then Max starts to venture toward me and toward the seemingly endless supply of poop. I realize that his diaper is poopy too. (Can't they work together to stagger these sorts of events?) Then Max throws a wooden alphabet block down the air conditioning intake. Argh! I was feeling a little overwhelmed (did I mention that I used to be extremely germ conscious??) and decided to calmly buckle them in their high chairs, while I put the air conditioner grate (and Max's shoes) in the bathtub for later cleaning, rescued the wooden block from the deep black hole with the vacuum cleaner , and put clean mattress pads and sheets on their beds (something I needed to do before nap time anyway,) not to mention some serious disinfecting.

Levi is shouting to me from the confines of the high chair, "But momma, I am all full." I know buddy. I know. Then I bathed them with baby soap in the kitchen sink and put them down for naps. Everything is better when babies smell yummy.

I write this, not because the day had an amazing ending. Although, having Zach do the dinner dishes nearly every night is pretty amazing. I just write, hoping the you will feel like you had a pretty good day in comparison. Maybe if you are sad at times that your children are all grown, you will have a moment of happiness in reveling in the clean smell of your house :)

Love,
Kate

A post from Amy at Homestead Revival (a blog I follow.)

Posted especially for my friends with daughters.

Enjoy!

Love,
Kate

MONDAY, JUNE 7, 2010
Passing On A Vision

Well, hello friends of Homestead Revival! You've been so patient the past week while I was absent for the most part, entertaining out of state family and celebrating my daughter's graduation! And what a wonderful time we had! I have tried to move right back into posting on homesteading, but I find that I just can't go forward without talking just a bit about this milestone in our lives.

I think the highlight of my week was seeing a side of my daughter that I hadn't seen before. As she performed at her senior recital and gave her salutatorian speech (yes, I'm mighty proud right now!), I was totally caught off guard a time or two as I caught glimpses of a young woman, and not just my little girl. It moved me to tears more than once!


In the last year or two, I've thought quite a bit about what I am teaching my girls, not just in terms of an education, but a vision for being godly women who desire to be capable wives and mothers. When I say that, I mean young women who have a passion for the role of being a keeper of the home.


It's not that I never thought about it before, but I began to realize how often I send contradictory messages to them about pursing careers (that would basically take them outside the home) as opposed to developing a desire to be capable women who will take up the torch and carry on with the next generation. One minute I'm chasing dreams with them and talking about all that they could do if they just strive hard enough, and then in the next breath, I catch myself and realize I need to talk to them about what God's vision is for their lives.


Don't get me wrong... I don't want to raise daughters that are uneducated, who have never had an opportunity to reach beyond their four walls, or feel forced into accepting a role that isn't a joy and calling in their lives. But at the same time, I ask myself...


Am I undermining the Holy Spirit as He tries to work in their hearts?
Have I helped them to stop and consider what God wants them to do?
Do I reflect a heart of joy as I live out God's calling on my own life as a wife, mother, and keeper of the home?
Have I helped them to see that keeping a home and homesteading is an honorable occupation and intellectually inspiring?


These are just a few questions that I keep hearing in my heart.


Because I was raised in the 70's and 80's to be a career woman, I have tended to parent much like my own mother and father parented me. According to my very encouraging Dad, I could have the moon if I would just pursue it. He had no doubts that I could do whatever I wanted. And he constantly reinforced that message. But along with that came plenty of expectations to earn a degree and get a "great" job. It was assumed I'd work outside the home. Then I received Christ into my life and my world was turned upside down.


No longer did I have a drive to do only what I wanted, but now I longed to know what Christ wanted for my life. Eventually, I realized that since He knew me better than I knew myself, I could trust Him to guide me if I would just be willing to let go of other people's expectations.


This is the message I really want to convey to my girls. But am I?


Until the last couple of years, I'm not sure I seriously considered the message I was subtlety conveying to my girls. But God is good and brought it to my attention so that I have spent the last 24 months or so trying to deliver a more Christ-centered message. There is no longer an emphasis on "What will your career be?" and now being a wife and mother has been highlighted anew. The new questions are...


"Do you want to be a wife and mother?"
"What would that role look like in God's economy?"
"Can you do this or that and be as committed as God wants you to be?"
"Would this degree/education/training help you in the role He has called you to?"
"How can you glorify God and fulfill the role He is calling you to?"
"What is the passion and vision He has placed in your heart?"
"What talents and spiritual gifts has He given you and how can you use them for His service?"


So where are we in all this today? Waiting on God. She will spend a few months looking for a job in a field she is considering - the culinary arts and food science - take a few on-line courses, and pray about what she really wants to do. Pray for her. And for her father and I as we must now let her fly (although we will be flying alongside for a while). Our greatest joy will be a passionate love for God in her heart that drives her to Him for all things! Including a vision.

Rain or Shine

The first Saturday in May is like a holiday for my mom and me. It's the Jenks city-wide garage sale day. I tell my mom that though we will probably move back to Colorado in the next year or so, I will try to always try to make it for the first Saturday in May. Don't worry mom. Thanksgiving and national garage sale day...I'll be there :)

My mom is an extremely generous, bargain-hunting diva who finds great delight in running a booth at a local flea market. We're pretty different that way. To me that doesn't sound like fun at all. I'd rather work a shift a month in a hospital than deal with hauling around furniture in my car. But for my mom, it's not about the profit, it is all about the thrill of the hunt. And I have to say...I do have fun finding good deals when I am with my mom, and I feel sad (more for her than for me) when I have a day where nothing catches my eye.

Fortunately, Saturday was not one of those days. I spent less than thirty bucks and came home with all kinds of great things...mostly like-new, name-brand clothes in sizes my kids will need a year from now (including two new guitar shirts for Levi...he loves "strumming" the guitars on his shirts, saying "Brrmmm, brmmm, brmm.") I found a simple, yet beautiful vintage yellow souffle dish for a dollar, a cute skirt for me (also for a dollar,) and an extra baby bjorn potty (just like the one we have in our bathroom) to keep in the car while the kids are potty-training (two dollars.)

And I do mean kids...as in both of them. I've always thought my nana was crazy for claiming that my dad was potty-trained at nine months. Ridiculous! "You were trained, nana," people might say. But low and behold, like good karma, Max started peeing and pooping on the potty (fairly regularly) when he was nine months old. I've heard people say that the second child does everything faster, but this is sort of freaking me out. When I put Max on the potty, he nearly always "produces." Levi says "Good job brother!" and then proceeds to do his business in the guest room closet. I guess I am glad that he doesn't seem jealous of his younger brother's potty genius. See, there is always something to be grateful for :)

Love,
Kate

Imaginative play

It is fun to see my kids' imaginations blooming...I wonder who and what they will pretend to be as they get older. Levi likes to put random things around his neck (like the cord to my computer) and say, "I a doctor, momma." And I reply, "Don't put that around your neck, or you are going to need a doctor." Max just likes to roar like a lion mostly.

Today I was thinking about all of this and remembering the different roles I played as a child. My play usually had an "on our own/survivalist" sort of theme. Some of my favorite roles included "Hobo," "Slave girl," "Orphaned eldest child," and last but not least "College student without a man, just a newly adopted baby." Oh, the joys of being home schooled :)

Adventures in Potty Training

Today I took the boys out to run errands and I took the plunge. Levi wore his "big boy underwear." And, he stayed dry. I've been warned that the automatic flushing toilets are pretty traumatic, so I opted to bring our little potty with us. Just thinking about having both boys in a public restroom together seems like it could be pretty traumatic for me :) Levi sat down on the potty beside my car in two of the grocery store parking lots and went like a champ. Way to go little guy. He still is a bit hesitant to go number 2 on the potty, though. He knows that once he does 10 times, he will get a kite. He is pretty excited about that. So far, we've got four. He keeps telling me, "I need privacy, momma" and I find that to be just a wee bit cute. No problem little guy. And when he has success he shouts, "AWESOME! GO TEAM WICAR!" This almost 2 and a half thing is way better than just turned 2. I keep saying that, but really, it just keeps getting better and better. I love my boys. If you have any tips on potty-training, please tell them to me...I'm new at this :)

Feeling pretty

Today I feel blah. I have been pretty productive, though. I cleaned the bathroom, did three loads of laundry, and I've read several books to my boys...but nonetheless, I'm feeling a little below my potential. I'm still wearing the gray sweatpants and brown tank-top that I wore to bed last night and I am sporting my medium-length frizzy red hair in a pony tail, i have no make-up on, and to top it off, my toenails are half-painted, half-not. And I ate nachos and orange juice for lunch, so my breath is gross too. All that to say, I am spending nap time today taking a nice, hot bath, painting my toenails, straightening my hair, brushing my teeth, etc. Ahhh, now that is going to feel good. I think I would do well to put a tiny bit more effort into looking nice, or maybe I should say into taking care of myself. I mean, if I'm going to be spraying out cloth diapers all day, I should at least feel pretty while I'm doing it :) On a side note...if I had to choose only one item from my make-up bag, it would hands-down be under-eye concealer. The brand I use is "time-balm" from Sephora. I am not a girly-girl by any stretch and wear very little make-up, but I could spend a hundred bucks at Sephora in a heartbeat. It's all about balance, right? If you had to choose one item from your make-up bag, what would it be?

Love,
Kate

Psalm 17:15 Because I have lived right, I will see your face. When I wake up, I will see your likeness and be satisfied.

Zach leaves for Haiti

Well, today is the big day! Zach is out of the United States and headed for Haiti. I am so glad that he has the opportunity to go and serve. And he is so excited...what a needed change of scenery for this relatively frustrating "what the heck are we doing?!!" phase of our lives. If I was to go to Haiti, I think I would be almost worthless as a nurse. I would rather hold babies and play with kids. It would be so hard to leave that place, and leave them there...without anything. Oh, how I wish there was more I could do.

When our kids get bigger, I hope that we can all go on some sort of a disaster relief trip together. I really want my kids to know that there is more to the world than themselves. And more to the world than America.

While Zach is gone, I am holding down the fort with the two little ones. And at the moment they are making each other laugh way too hard...instead of drifting to sleep like they are supposed to. The kids and I have a busy week planned...things on the schedule every night while Zach is away. It will go by fast, and we are praying every day for his team...for safety, health, unity, etc. I am looking forward to hearing many stories upon Zach's return...time to go check out the diaper situation and see if there is a good excuse for this delayed nap time :)

S is for Spank

I was over-spanked as a child. Too hard, too often, too long in duration, and until I was 14 years old. I love my parents very much and know they were doing what they believed to be best, but ultimately, it was really traumatic for me.

When Levi was about 6 weeks old, one of our friends in Boulder jokingly said "Kids are like pinatas, you have to beat them until something good comes out." I wonder what kind of look I must of shot at him :) I really didn't want to spank Levi at all. I did not think that I would be able to spank in a way that was Godly. I thought that I would be angry and violent. I hated the idea of "loosing it" with my kids and repeating the cycle that I grew up with. What better way to avoid that scenario, than to avoid spankings all together?

At about the time Levi was 15 or 16 months, it became pretty clear that our little "chats" were not working. Babies cannot reason, it turns out :) I learned that in Developmental Psychology, but it didn't keep me from trying. Levi wanted to run in the street and thought this was a game, wouldn't hold my hand in parking lots, etc. His lack of obedience was becoming a safety hazard. And it made my life more difficult as well. I would just wait until nap time to unload the dishwasher, because I didn't want to "fight" with him about leaving the silverware alone.

It was clear that we needed to change something. So, with two little swats on his upper thigh, we started disciplining. He is not the perfect child or anything (he's 2!), but his behavior has changed big time. He comes when we call. If he takes a toy away from Max, he will give it back quickly with a simple verbal rebuke.

I still don't feel quite right about using my hand or using a wooden spoon, and haven't really known what to do about that. Recently, one of my friends showed me the spanking tool that she and her husband use on their daughter. It is 8.75 inches long and made of a canvass-like material. It looks like an over-sized tongue depressor and causes a mild sting. I ordered four :)

They are about five dollars each and can be ordered by mail from:

Surely Goodness Company
P.O. Box 1115
Mesa, AZ 85211

Just wanted to share this find...in case any of you are in the same predicament with not wanting to use your hand or a wooden spoon. Also, I have found the book, "Raising Godly Tomatoes" helpful. She's a little strict for me, but it's still been a worth-while read. There are not a lot of books out there that specifically address toddlers. Let me know what you think or of anything that has worked for you. Thanks for reading :)

Early to Bed, Early to Rise

I know that goals are supposed to be measurable....but this year's resolution really isn't. I just want to learn how to go to bed earlier...a lot of things hinge on that one thing. Someday, I would like to wake up before my kids, and have time to "center" and read a little scripture and sip a little coffee in the mornings. I am a slow-to-wake-up person. If it were up to me, I wouldn't talk for the first hour of the day. In fact, during our first year of marriage, Zach would come up to me in the mornings and ask me if I was mad at him, and I would say "No, i just don't prefer to talk in the mornings." With two little ones, it really isn't an option anymore...that whole not talking bit. I hit the ground running...or at least I try to. A bottle, 2 diapers, Breakfast for the family, clean-up...it's no wonder that I would rather stay under the covers :-) I think it was Benjamin Franklin who once said, "Early to Bed, Early to Rise, makes a man Healthy, Wealthy, and Wise." Here's to a year where I learn to start my days on the right foot. Where I learn to get out of my pajamas and put on a bra, and wash my face, and have time to get my heart in the right place before the craziness begins.

World Wednesdays

A new tradition has started at the Wicar home. We call it "World Wednesdays." In order to help teach our children compassion for the poor, we are going to enjoy a very simple dinner every Wednesday. Tonight we are having lentils, rice, and fried onions. Over dinner we will discuss a certain country, or charity (like Heifer International), or what Jesus might have to say about the poor and/or social economics. Conveniently, Jesus talks more about social economics than any other topic in the new testament, so there should be plenty of material in a nearby Bible, if I don't plan a more formal lesson. I reserved a children's book from the library, called "Beatrice's Goat," so hopefully we will get to read that next Wednesday. Also www.questforcompassion.org is a website that has some fun interactive games to help (slightly older) children learn about poverty. Virtual poverty...gotta love it. There are three main things Zach and I hope to help teach our children: 1) God is real and he really loves you, 2) Compassion for the poor and the "least of these," and finally, 3) To love to read. Okay, maybe there are more than three :) I would love to hear any suggestions on how to make these meals more fun and meaningful. If you have any ideas or thoughts on trying something similar with your family, let me know :)

Teaching children about redemption

I am reading a book called Shepherding A Child's Heart and it is one of those books I am going to need to read over and over again. I am reading a borrowed copy, but will be keeping my eyes open for a good deal on a used copy. Here is a passage about teaching children about redemption (and not just obeying the rules).

Correcting With A Central Focus on Redemption

The central focus of child-rearing is to bring children to a sober assessment of themselves as sinners. They must understand the mercy of God, who offered Christ as a sacrifice for sinners. How is that accomplished? You must address the heart a the fountain of behavior and the conscience as the God-given judge of right and wrong. The cross of Christ must be the central focus of your child-rearing.

You want to see your child live a life that is embedded in the rich soil of Christ's gracious work. The focal point of your discipline and correction must be your children seeing their utter inability to do the things that God requires unless they know the help and strength of God. Your correction must hold the standard of righteousness as high as God holds it. God's standard is correct behavior flowing from a heart that loves God and has God's glory as the sole purpose of life. This is not native to your children (nor to their parents).

Discipline exposes your child's inability to love his sister from his heart, or genuinely to prefer others before himself. Discipline leads to the cross of Christ where sinful people are forgiven. Sinners who come to Jesus in repentance and faith are empowered to live new lives.

The alternative is to reduce the standard to what may be fairly expected of your children without the grace of God. The alternative is to give them a law they can keep. The alternative is a lesser standard that does not require grace and does not cast them on Christ, but rather on their own resources.

Dependence on their own resources moves them away from the cross. It moves them away from any self-assessment that would force them to conclude that they desperately need Jesus' forgiveness and power.

I have spoken to many parents who feared they were producing little hypocrites who were proud and self-righteous. Hypocrisy and self-righteousness is the result of giving children a keepable law and telling them to be good. To the extent they are successful, they become like the Pharisees, people whose exterior is clean, while inside they are full of dirt and filth. The genius of Phariseeism was that it reduced the law to a keepable standard of externals that any self-disciplined person could do. In their pride and self-righteousness, they rejected Christ.

Correction in shepherding must focus on Christ. It is only in Christ that the child who has strayed and has experienced conviction of sin may find hope, forgiveness, salvation and power to live.

Swimming Upstream

My oldest child will be 2 years old in a matter of days, and although it is silly...I have thought at times..."I have till he is 2, to get my act together" (you know, to become the perfect person before he has memories...) Well, November 3rd is coming soon, so the pressure is on!

It is such a challenge to consistently reject what our culture tells us is important and to teach our children (and remind ourselves) about the things that really matter. Sometimes I feel like we are a family of salmon, doing our best to swim upstream. And I think that's a good thing.

starting to homeschool

Levi is almost 2 and Max is 6 months. We love reading books together, and I am feeling ready to have some special learning times with Levi. I took the boys to Mardel to look for some materials, so that I can start working with Levi on "school" during Max's morning nap. I think we will both really enjoy this special school time. Before getting overwhelmed with all of the different materials, I decided on 3 sets of flashcards (made in the USA...yea!) and spent less than $10. Works for me! Since we are not doing the traditional "pre-school" thing...I think I will give myself a budget of $20 or so a month to buy educational materials. Levi's favorite part of the day was when I put puppets on my hands and talked to him in funny voices and when they"kissed" him in response to correctly pointing out various objects. Max liked snuggling in the Ergo carrier and taking in the sights and sounds.