Father Fiction

I am reading the book, Father Fiction by Donald Miller (author of Blue Like Jazz) and it is written for people who grew up without fathers, especially males who grew up without fathers. I am a female, and I was raised by a great dad (though not my biological father,) so I don't really know why I am reading this book. Zach wanted to get it with a Borders gift card we had, and I went along with the idea. Zach is working full-time and going to school full-time too, so he doesn't really have time to read for leisure right now. Hey, somebody's got to do it :) I do think he'll like the book when he gets around to reading it.

We were reading the popular book Wild at Heart about five years ago and I thought some of the ideas presented were so silly and stereotypical, and I would say to Zach (in disbelief,) "You don't really feel like that, DO you?" And I was floored when he said something like, "I do. I feel very much like that." Then the greatest thing would happen. I would listen as he would tell me a story, a little window into his childhood and he would explain the moment he started feeling that particular way. Reading that book was a great experience for us as a couple, and I remember thinking, "I will need to read this one again when I have boys." I should do that. All I can remember is something about Colorado and a river, and a mention that if you don't let boys play with guns, they will eat their graham crackers into the shape of guns :) Well, we haven't quite hit that stage yet...but they are definitely boys. During breakfast this morning, Levi told me that he was a boy and that he and Max and daddy all have penises, and that "Momma just has a bottom." Funny things come out of his mouth every single day.

But, back to Zach and the book. If I could go back and do parts of our marriage over, I would in a heartbeat. Back then, in my head, I had certain ideas of what a man was capable of doing. I would have never said this aloud, but somewhere in the back of my head I had this list:

1) Has a general knowledge of and cares deeply about maintaining vehicles
2) Knows how to weed-eat and mow, and takes pride in the appearance of his yard.
3) Can set up a tent with ease and confidence.
4) Can start a fire.
5) Can catch a fish and gut it and cook it over the fire that he started.
6) Can (and wants to) build his wife a chicken coop :)

Well, you get the idea. I had all of these expectations without even knowing that I had them, and that if I did have them, that they were very wrong. A two-fold wrong as in "incorrect" and as in "that's not nice." When it became apparent that Zach somehow missed out on learning these skills, I was baffled and disappointed. We've come a LONG way since then, but it's still part of our story. He has learned a tremendous amount in the ten years we have been together and he is a great dad and even though he hasn't exactly tackled everything on the above list, I know he won't allow our boys to slip between the cracks the way that he seems to have (as far as learning all of those "manly" things.) In defense of Zach's dad (who you may be wondering about right about now,) we love and respect him very much (he is a wonderful man) and we realize that he had no control over a divorce that took place when Zach was fourteen, and no control over needing to take a job out of state at that time. And even Zach will say that (as a kid) he was invited to learn some of those things on that list up there, but opted out and spent his time playing video games instead.

I hope that nobody reading this can relate at all, and that you always respect your husband and never doubt his abilities....and that he builds amazing tree houses for your kids without batting an eye. And that he knows exactly what he is looking for in the hardware store. But if there is anyone out there that finds themselves in a situation closer to mine, I just want to throw this out there...The imarriage series by Andy Stanley has helped me a lot. As it turns out, no one is born with knowledge of the aforementioned list, just as no one is born patient or selfless, or the perfect woman for that matter. While I have become more domestically inclined over time, I did not enter our marriage with a great command of cooking, cleaning, or sewing. (I still can't sew.) I was not the epitome of femininity. I grew up with three brothers and refused to wear dresses or learn to cook. I would tell my mom that I wasn't going to learn unless my brothers were in the kitchen with me. What a pair Zach and I were! Neither of us knew how to do much of anything, but we were good at school, so that is what we did. We went to college and made A's. We ate frozen pizzas and scrambled eggs, and hired handymen and plumbers when we needed them. We really have come a long way, now that I think about it :)

If your husband is a guy whose father taught him a lot, maybe he would consider teaching a neighborhood kid or a nephew with a single mom a few skills that he's picked up....and tell the boy that he absolutely has what it takes. It could make all of the difference in that one boy's life. And finally, growing up without a loving father puts any person (male or female) at a disadvantage, but it isn't the end of the world. The Bible says that God "puts the lonely in families," and that He is a "Father to the fatherless." He's way better than the best earthly Father. He knows what we need and loves with the only perfect love that exists in the world.

Having Zach as a dad is going to put our boys in a great spot for understanding the heart of God and a lot about life in general. There is nothing I enjoy more than watching him play with and guide our boys. They are so lucky...(and so am I.)

Love,
Kate

Half The Sky

"Women might just have something to contribute to civilization other than their vaginas." -Christopher Buckley. This week I am reading Half The Sky by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl Wudunn. This beautifully empowering, journalistic-styled work touches on many facets of the ever complex issues of sex-slavery. If it were not laced with hope for change and with touching stories and pictures of women who have been rescued from brothels, it would be too much to bear. It is such an inspiring work and I just wanted to recommend it.

Love,
Kate

Reflections for Ragamuffins

Reflections for Ragamuffins by Brennan Manning is my kind of devotional. If you have never had the opportunity to read his book, "The Ragamuffin Gospel," I would highly recommend it. I was flipping through Reflections for Ragamuffins the other night, and read this one and thought, "ouch."

Regarding the topic of evangelization, he writes:

The fundamental mission of the church is preaching the Good News of Jesus Christ. But there has been a loss of faith in the power of the Word. We feel it won't be effective if we say it as it is. It will turn people off: let's rebuild the temporal order first.

But there is a startling discontinuity between human reasoning and what God's Word says the priority is. War, loneliness, world hunger, abortion-these are rooted in man's rebellion. Putting a Band-Aid here and there on this or that moral problem is not the answer. Evangelization hits the core: man must submit to Jesus Christ and repent. He must renounce his autonomy and self-sufficiency. Personal appropriation of the death and resurrection of Christ is the one foundation for Christian community and world peace. Failure to act on the gospel imperative to evangelize has resulted in holding to the form of Christianity while denying its power. Beautiful liturgies; mass; regional, national, and international meetings; crusades against immorality are good and have their place, but none of them is an adequate substitute for dying to self.

I am such a weakling, that even typing this excerpt proves difficult :) I am so much more comfortable advocating for social justice issues than I am telling people that a life with Jesus is the only kind worth living. Here's to doing both :)

Love,

Kate

Galatians 1:10 Do you think I am trying to make people accept me? No, God is the One I am trying to please. Am I trying to please people? If I still wanted to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.